hey, that's my cup!

I lived with a roommate for a few months that felt like an eternity. In the two months this dude lived in my apartment he got hit by a car while riding his bike no less than three times, stole a bike from another roommate, and stole household items and horded them in his room. One item he stole was an oversized plastic souvenir cup from a trip to Coney Island. He was using it to pee in because he didn't want to walk 20 feet from his room to the bathroom. To top it off, he lied about giving the landlord rent money and never paid me for his share of the utilities.

Frozen Drink on a Stick

I was living in New York one sweltering summer and on my way home I stopped at the bodega to buy a box of popsicles. In the freezer they went, and my quest for cool was soon quelled by a beer and the popsicles were forgotten for the night. Or so I thought.

The next day at work all I could think of was escaping the heat with a cool cherry popsicle once I got home. As soon as I walked in the door of the apartment I made an eager bee line for the freezer. I grabbed the box and it was light. A little too light. Like there was nothing in there, light. I turned it over and the flaps had been ripped open. Instead of 24 sweet and fruity popsicles there was a single dollar bill. My asshole roommate had eaten the entire box while I was gone and left me a dollar.

Sliced it

Something flew through my roommate's window while she was apparently having sex with her boyfriend that she screamed was a bullet. By the hole in the glass, the damage to her bedroom wall, and it did sound like one crashing through the glass. I stumbled around drunk and annoyed. The other girl living with us said we should all crawl on the ground because we were being shot at. They all huddled under her bed and called the cops. The cops looked around and started putting out a report on the CB to other officers. Then i saw a golf ball on the floor. Some asshole kid was teeing off at the apartment buildings.

Coke adds life!

A guy I let stay at my place on Madison Ave. guaranteed me no one would be up there while i was gone. I came home a night early and found my place trashed and him and 3 dudes doing lines of cocaine off a pizza box...

Is our situation not dismal?

I lived with a girl who looked like a Cheshire cat. She brought guys home from the student ghetto bars and fucked them on the 'living room' couch; unexplainable stains by both size and color were found by all. She left a toothbrush on the side of the tub, stuck with all her hair lost in showers -not sure from which region- which she twirled out of the drain. The kitty litter box overflowed perpetually until the kitchen floor was the litter box. When she opened her bedroom door, KFC boxes and other garbage spilled out and was left in the hall.